(Copied from the Sandbox. Some sentences might not make sense.)
Hello, everyone. This is Navy speaking.
Seems that I still am able to edit these pages, so I thought I might as well make a statement while I wait for my next ban appeal.
Let's get to the point:
Yes, I did ask a previous partner of mine for sexually explicit images and gave images in return. Yes, we did do sexual actions (ERP 90% of the time) for a long time, and yes, we were heavily intimate.
No, I did not harass him. No, I am not transphobic and do not use the wrong pronouns. No, I do not fake mental illnesses.
I know to many that my sexually-related actions are horrendous, and when my ban appeal was in process I was realizing the severity of my actions. I am one that has not been reprimanded for the thoughts I've had, and I grew up with people who were hyper-sexual, which influenced me to do the same. When growing up, I never thought anything bad of this, because my mind was still developing and it did not register how bad these actions were.
Only now am I realizing that through this span of my life the indicators that I was warned, but either chose to ignore them or blocked it out automatically.
I do not know why, and do not know how I did this, as my memory is some of the worst on the planet, but I do know that passing references were told to me of how bad these actions are. When confronted by my father, he would simply laugh it off as he usually does. My mother took a more serious approach, but it still somehow did not get through my thick skull that these were bad things to do.
And so hyper-sexuality continued to fester in me.
It led to this point, and now I have no one to blame other than myself. I cannot rub it off on my past partner, someone from my past, or any other factor. It is my fault and mine alone.
I know that I hurt people. I never intended to, but the fact remains that I still did.
People have a bad impression of me now. I never wanted that, but it happened.
I want to cherish the ones I love, but can't live with what I've done. I don't want to be suicidal, but I am.
Will this be seen by someone? Probably not. Will it be deleted by staff? Probably. I ask that this stay up, but I know I have no say in what I do with this community anymore.
It's fececious of me, but I'm asking you all to not give me another chance, but understand where I come from. Ridiculous and audacious of me, but I'm changing. The Backrooms is a community that I hold near to my heart still due to the people that are there, and now I can hardly talk to any of them even if they're still friends with me on Discord.
I want to come back, I really do, but I won't until I can convince people that I'm a different person.
I'm not going to push off what I've done. It's solidified as me now and I can't change that. I want to change it, but I can't. It's impossible. But what I can do is show people that I have the ability to change. I can show you all that I'm a different person, that I'm not someone who gets into relationships with people just to see their body. I care about who I'm with in a relationship. I care about the person, not their body.
I've always held this standard to me, but what those small moments between my love for a being are overshadowing how much I loved my past partner.
Can you accept that people change? That's up to you.
If you wish to DM me, I'll happily accept anything. Harassment, anger, lashing out at me, or the small miniscule chance that someone sees this, empathy. It's hard nowadays, and I don't have confidence that anyone will have such emotion, but I'm keeping the possibility open. Just a bit.
NavyEOD_24#4677.
Goodbye, and if I don't respond, I've already gone to the Flipside.